The Loves of My Life

I've never seen so many teenage girls in one place. We were smashed together, all trying to squeeze into the building at once. I'd been standing outside for what seemed like ages, and it took just about as long to get into the doors of the Maverick center, but I was buzzing. I had literally waited a year and a half to come here and see One Direction in concert.
Ally was never a huge fan like I am. She knows a few of their songs, but she just came with me because I asked her to back when the tickets came on pre-sale. Don't get me wrong, she had a good time, but at first when we were trying to get in the building, she looked less than delighted. I was delighted, though. I had spent all of the days before daydreaming about impossible scenarios of what could happen on the most magical day of my life so far. Even though some of those things would never happen, it still got my emotions stirred up enough to be more than ecstatic to see them.
Eventually we found our seats and about an hour and a half later, after the opening act was finished and there had been a period of setting up the stage behind the curtain, the lights went out.
You could feel everyone tense up and we all pulled out our cameras.
The curtain rose, music started playing, and bright lights came on. A door rose and you could see 5 pairs of feet. I'm usually a quiet person, but I've never felt anything like that before--it was like I physically could not stop screaming.

They sang beautifully, and they looked even more attractive in person than in pictures. I couldn't rip my eyes from the stage. It was like my senses were in freak out mode, and I wanted to take in every detail. I had spent all of this time ever since 2011 seeing them on on a screen; they had seemed so mythical... But now their light bounced directly into my eyes, nothing in between. It felt like, even across a sea of girls, I could reach out and touch Harry's curly hair.

(Fangirling is hard work... it'd pretty physically and emotionally tiring, and you can't make yourself stop.)
The rest of the concert was just as amazing. For the first time in a long while, I wasn't self-concious. I didn't care what my dance moves looked like or how tone deaf I sounded or what my problems in life were; I was just happy.

The next day I had concert hangover: slightly deaf, sore, scratchy throat, and still getting emotional and/or crying every time One Direction came on my iPod. Ridiculous, I know... But right then it felt like they were the loves of my life.

Calming

Interviews

Oh, how I awaited the looming days of what I thought was freedom. I was excited to drive to work and save up for college with my paycheck and buy shoes with the extra. It sounded like a grand adventure.
Five applications and two interviews later, I'm still jobless, and actually becoming a little scared.
My second interview was a group interview with five other girls. It was nerve racking. I'm afraid I'll end up working at fast food with a bunch of scary people because there's too much competition for the normal places.

Song Obsessions: July

I am a dedicated Pandora user. It is my favorite radio, but this month I've been cheating on it a little bit... with Grooveshark. Aside from that, enjoy this assortment of pop, country, and whatever that last one is.

I'm thinking I was born in the wrong time.

It's like a rewind, living in a world gone plastic,

Baby, you're so classic.

~Classic by MKTO~

Recently I've had a healthy Hunter Hayes obsession. This song is my #1 fave.

I could be so good at loving you,

But only if you told me to.

~If You Told Me To by Hunter Hayes~

Never thought it'd be you I would always need.

~Can't Help by Parachute~

This next song is not my usual style, but some reason, I'm in love with it. I don't even know what genre it is.

I climbed the tree to see the world.

When the gusts came around to blow me down,

I held on as tightly as you held onto me.

~To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra~

For Half of Summer

This summer, so far, I:

• Watched Netflix in between loads of laundry.
• Turned in job applications.
• Went to a stressful job interview.
• Helped my sister move 40 miles away from me.
• Cried the next morning because I already missed her. 
• Discovered new music.
• Complained that I've never been on a date.
• Pushed away the only one willing to take me on one.
• Got mad at my best friend for meddling in my love life.
• Had a big fight with my best friend.
• Went to the mall by myself.
• Coveted everything at Forever Young Shoes.
• Went swimming with my wardies.
• Watched Monsters University and Safe Haven. 
• Loved them both.
• Did yard work [by force].
• Watched the 1995 Dream Cast Les Miserables concert on YouTube.
• Painted my toenails a beautiful shade of lilac.
• Harassed my dad into fixing my shower head so it would stop spraying over the door.
• Took a shower without having to mop up afterwards.
• Went to the book club.
• Heard stories of when all of the ladies at book club had their children.
• [It's a hot topic for them.]
• Thought about the upcoming school year.
• Played Rock Band and ate slushees with my family.
• Texted my sister random pictures of everything. 
• Tweeted about how slow our internet is being. 
• Didn't blog because of how slow our internet is being.

One more half of summer to go.

Prone To Wander

One of my favorite hymns of all time, that isn't actually in the LDS Hymn book (I don't know why), is Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I randomly found this song stuck in my head after church today. It was never mentioned or sang, but I suddenly couldn't stop thinking about it.
I especially love the third verse. It says,
"Oh to grace, how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be.
Let that grace now, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, Oh take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."

Lately I've been doing a lot of wandering... and a lot of messing up. But today I knelt down in prayer for the first time in a while and it felt like the words of this song. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, but I'm going to keep trying to stay close to my Heavenly Father. I need more strength right now than ever before, and I'm grateful to know that "in his strength, I can do all things." (Alma 26:12)

I Understand Peter Pan

I had girls camp last week, so my parents waited to put me on the car insurance. Monday this week was the first time I've driven alone. It was the
perfect moment. I played "Better Together" by Jack Johnson, just like I'd always planned, and my little silver Neon seemed to fly. I've never felt so free. I was feeling on top of the world and pretty big at that moment.

Now it's Wednesday, and today I started job hunting. I filled in applications for ShopKo, Target, and Macey's.
(if any of you have a suggestion of a great place to work that hires 16 year olds, let me know! I would really appreciate it!)
It was scary. I drove on big roads and talked to people who already have jobs. I filled out my applications to say I have no work experience.
Honestly, as excited as I am to move on with my life, the real world is really intimidating, and growing up is hard.
Today, I'm feeling pretty small.