Sunday, June 30, 2013

The Pursuit of Happiness

The idea of 'the pursuit of happiness' frustrates me. You spend your entire life pursuing, and none of your life happy. Why go on a conquest to a mythical, idealogical world that you will never reach? Earthly life will never be perfect. Things will go wrong, you will have faults, but you have to learn that THAT'S OKAY. Look for the good in your life. Count your blessings, serve others, and forget about perfection. Here's an idea: you don't have to wait to be happy!

So don't waste your time in the pursuit of happiness.
Stop pursuing.

Be happy right now.

Monday, June 24, 2013

I Will Go, I Will Do.

Yesterday was one of those Sundays when I was feeling really run down, and I was not in the mood to get dressed and go to church. But despite my negative attitude, it seemed every single talk had something I needed to hear. That evening I also had a camp fireside. The same thing happened; those talks changed my entire perspective on how girls camp is going to be this week.

So I'm deciding here and now... When I grow up and I'm on my own someday, I will go to church even when I don't want to, because those seem to be the days when I learn the most.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

A Little Girl Grew Up Too Fast

So, sorry I dropped off the face of the blog world for two weeks.
A LOT has happened in that amount of time, especially this week, but the internet connection for our PC is broken, and blogging on my Nook is impossible.
Last week I was basically home alone all the time and I started to get a bit crazy. I had several arguments with family members when my family was actually home.

The next week got way crazier. I rode my bike over to the school every morning for roaring. I felt like a big girl because of my bike lock key that I carried on my keychain. I've never really consistently used keys before. Roading was super easy because I had a lot of practice with my Dad. The other girl in my car was an amateur, but she still did better on the test because I drove more like people drive in real life. Whoops.
On Tuesday night I had to babysit my niece and sleep on my sister and bro-in-law's squeaky bed. I slept kind of terribly that night. The next morning my new nephew, Samuel Paul, was born. I went and visited them in the hospital with my family. My mom took a picture of everyone holding Sam except me. I held him and I was there, but I guess Sam will never know because there's no picture! If he ever reads this... I promise I'm a supportive aunt!!! Yeah, but that's basically how I feel in my family 75% of the time. Out of place.
The next day, on Thursday, I passed my driving test and got my license. That was pretty exciting, but scary at the same time. I'm really pumped to start becoming more independent, but terrified to grow up.

This weekend I was pretty emotional about it all. I feel like my entire life has changed all at once. I was a little girl what seems like days ago, and suddenly I'm plugging a key into a car and taking off on my own. And it really is on my own. My sister is going to be too busy with two kids, and in a few weeks she's moving to Salt Lake City. She's my best friend and I don't know how I'll survive without her.

I have a hard enough time with one little bit of change. With change everywhere now... I'm frightened.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Song Obsessions: June

Let your words be anything but empty.
Why don't you tell them the truth?
Say what you want to say
And let the words fall out.
Honestly, I want to see you be brave.
~Brave by Sara Bareilles~

Why are we acting like lovers?
We don't know each other,
Even though we used to rule the world.
Why are you singing me love songs?
What good is a love song without the love?
~Without the Love by Demi Lovato~

Loooooove this cover:
Cause I don't want to lose you now,
I'm looking right at the other half of me.
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold.
~Mirrors by Justin Timberlake, covered by Boyce Avenue feat. Fifth Harmony~

If you could see me now would you recognize me?
Would you pat me on the back of would you criticize me?
~If You Could See Me Now by The Script~

the girl with long hair.

I didn't cut my hair for an entire year. It was long, and people never noticed that my split ends had split ends. "I can tell you take really good care of your hair," they'd say. I would smile, say thank you, and then internally laugh because of how much of a mess my hair actually was. I DID notice my split ends, and was dreadfully watching them break for months.
This week I finally had it trimmed. The nice lady snipping away at the bottoms of my "luscious locks" made a comment I have not since forgotten. She laughed and said, "Your hair is so long that when you get it cut people probably don't notice. You're still the girl with long hair."
I haven't stopped thinking about that simple remark. Even though my life continues to shift and change over the years, I'm still me. No pair of scissors can change that.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Thanks, Joey.

This week I got my first little job of the summer; I'm in charge of taking care of my friend's pets while her family is vacationing in Cali.
It has been a bit of a struggle, but it's been worth it.

When the week started out, I realized I didn't want to walk 4 blocks twice a day to feed the animals, so I somehow got my bike down from the rafters of the garage. I hadn't ridden it in probably a year, but there really was nothing else I could do. I liked riding the yellow bike. The wind in my hair. The fast trip across the ward boundaries. But that first day was  e x h a u s t i n g.  My quads were working hard and let's not even discuss the state of my butt by the end of that day.
Taking care of the cat and the turtle has been no problem at all. The giant lab, however, is a different story. His name is Joey. He poops ten pounds a day and sheds like you've never seen. His water bucket is heavy and the hose in their yard is possessed. I also have to take him on walks, which is more like Joey taking me on a drag.

This week has been full of work and other things. I've babysat, scooped poop, ridden my bike through screaming muscles, sweat (a lot), scooped food, washed clothes, pined over new clothes, downloaded music, continued to ride my bike, and my freckles have darkened quite a bit.

At the beginning of the week I restarted my ongoing quest to find happiness. The last week of May was probably the third or fourth worst week of my life. I was feeling lower than low, but I was sick of it. So I made a goal list, and I cut my hair. But the final thing that helped me out was this week's job.
Taking care of Joey has kept me busy. It forced me to get out of the house and actually do something with myself before I ended up damaging myself.

Even though on Sunday night I thought this week would be less than pleasurable, I'm still here on Thursday, and I realize that I don't feel sad. My friends still don't call me and I still need a new swim suit, but for the first time in a while, the little details aren't getting to me as much anymore. I don't know how it happened, but now that I find myself here, I hope I can stay. Thanks, Joey, for changing my life.