Do you ever have moments when you honestly feel like you're going insane? Because that's how I felt yesterday: literally crazy. I was standing on a porch in my pajamas, pacifying myself with an old Slurpee straw so I wouldn't bite my hand or rip off my fingernails, and I could of sworn I was falling off my rocker.
But let's back it up a bit.
I get really excited for things. I look at what life has to offer, pick something, and obsess over it. And this summer, like many summers before, I picked the Teen Choice Awards. I voted religiously. I told my family weeks in advance that on August 11th I claimed the TV at 7:00. When August 11th came, I was pumped up and ready to squeal on the couch for two hours. One Direction were opening the show this year.
My entire family was over for dinner, even my adult siblings and their families. At 6:55 I went downstairs and typed "13" into the remote. It was fuzzy. FOX 13 was fuzzy. I surfed through more channels, hoping, but hardly any of our channels would work. "MOM WHAT DO I DO!?" I yelled upstairs, "SOMEONE HELP ME!" I was in a panic. I couldn't miss the opening number. Janell and Braden started goofing off with the TV, trying to see what they could do, but apparently they were doing it too slowly because I became even more frustrated. At 7:10 my freak out mode was activated. I had been so excited for this for months only to have a stupid fuzzy TV. I was yelling at my siblings and telling them to fix it, but it was obvious they couldn't. My brother-in-law Paul was rolling his eyes at me and that's when I realized my behavior did not look rational at all. I left the room, went upstairs, and sat on the living room couch. I started crying. I knew, logically, that something like the TCAs shouldn't be such a big deal, but I couldn't brush away the overwhelming feeling of disappointment that the past 4 months had led up to. My parents came in and started messing with the old TV upstairs. It didn't work either. Mom used my phone to call Comcast and she was on the phone for 45 minutes to no avail. When I got my phone back, I texted Ally and vented about how upset I was. She told me I could come over to her house and watch it.
So there I was at 8:30, August 11th: standing on a porch in my pajamas, pacifying myself with an old Slurpee straw so I wouldn't bite my hand or rip off my fingernails, and I could of sworn I was falling off my rocker.
They let me in and Ally's brothers gave me weird looks while I curled up on the couch and continued to chew on my straw. I felt like I was 2 years old. I watched the last 30 minutes of the TCAs and after it was over I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water. Ally asked if I liked the show. Even though I didn't really get to see any of the people I had hoped to, it still helped to at least watch some of it. Ally painted my nails raspberry red with gel polish. I was still a little out of it, but after sitting in her kitchen for a few hours just talking and painting, I felt a world better.
Ally totally saved my sanity last night.
...But just in time for me to have won the Choice Crazy Teen award from everyone in my family. I think they're traumatized.