"I hardly write anymore because I didn't want to disappoint you guys like I keep disappointing myself. I wanted you to think I'm strong. But I feel weak, and ignoring it isn't making it go away. Plus no one who reads this blog really cares anyway, like this post isn't going to change anyone's life. I'll post it, and it will be lost in cyberspace like a dandelion seed in the wind."
That was the very end of a long post I just wrote and decided not to publish. I wrote a lot just now, and I cried a lot too. I wrote about how I lost all hope. But I couldn't post it. Why not? I asked myself. Because I didn't want to solidify it--I didn't want to put the final stamp and signature on my Failure Certificate. And I think that's because I do have hope. Contrary to what I've been telling myself, I do have hope for life to get better, or I would have posted those things I wrote earlier today. Maybe I will feel better one day. On that day I'll write a killer blog post.