Song Obsessions: November (& October)

I don't mind if there's not much to say.

Sometimes the silence guides our minds.

~Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood~

We live in cities you'll never see on screen,

Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things.

~Team by Lorde~

No concealing feelings, or changing seasonally,

I'm gonna love myself the way I want you to love me.

~Love Me by Katy Perry~

Without you I'm just lost, incomplete.

You feel like home to me.

~Falling In by Lifehouse~

ALSO: One Direction's new album, Midnight Memories, leaked online and it is fantastic. It's the biggest jam for a pop-rock lover such as I. I highly recommend it. It comes out November 25th.

The Giving Trees

My backyard smells like sawdust. It's sad. Good bye, poplars.

"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something... but I have nothing left. I am an old stump. I am sorry..."

"I don't need very much now," said the boy, "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired."

"Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."

~The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

Father Time Is a Fast Runner

I just keep being forced to grow up faster than I want to. Every day there's something new I have to figure out.
As you know, I've been working at a real job the past month. Some days it's good, some days my feet hurt and it's hard. Once I received my first paycheck my feet hurt a little less. But this week they're hurting a lot, because I have to work from 3:00-10:00 on my mom's birthday. I'm missing the whole party. So lame.
Also, last week I went to the doctor to get some medicine for another stye on my eye, and the conversation led to the doctor telling me I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It's a permanent condition that I'll have to battle my entire life, which sucks. Then I went over to the hospital and had my blood drawn for the first time in my life. This week I'm supposed to find out my blood test results. It's kind of nerve-wracking. This all probably sounds really dumb to all of you (all 3 of my readers), but it's been a growing up experience for me.

To all of you little girls out there: Don't wish to grow up! It's 500% less fun than it looks. Enjoy where you are. Being a kid is rad.

Honest Work, Unjust Reward.

It's been a rough time the past few weeks. I'm so used to doing everything slowly and enjoying moments in the late afternoon of laziness and reflection. But this school year, for some reason, I decided it would be a good idea to join three clubs, take time-consuming classes, and get a job. I'm now regretting a lot of those decisions.
Last week I got a job at the super ghetto gas station McDonalds. I told myself at the beginning of this year that I would never get such a job. However, after job hunting for months and turning in what felt like thousands of applications, I was desperate, and I was tired of being so poor.
In all of my interviews before, they asked me lots of questions about various scenarios that have happened to me or that might happen to me, like they were analyzing my every future move in advance. I carefully and lovingly chose every answer, but I was rejected at all three interviews nonetheless. At my interview at McDonalds, there were none of those questions. With a fly sitting on her overly hairsprayed bangs, my manager simply asked me what times I could work, and then sent me off to orientation where I was given a stack of legal documents and I signed my life away to a cheap franchise. There was no satisfaction in getting that job. I didn't have to do anything but spell my name. All of the places with standards didn't want me. It came down to the lowest of the low, and I'm still asking myself why I settled for it.
Friday was my first day of work. My friends made fun of me at school. "I'd rather be broke than work there," they said, laughing. I know they didn't mean to hurt my feelings, but I was sad because I felt like I didn't have a choice.
When I arrived at work for the first time, my manager gave me and ill-fitting, ripped, used uniform to wear for the remainder of my servitude. I put it on in the dingy gas station bathroom and then swept the lobby because my manager literally did not train me or look like she was ever going to train me at all. Luckily after about half an hour my friend from school showed up and took me under her wing. She actually helped me start to figure out what to do and how to do my job. (Drive Thru and dish washing. Gotta love it.) Everyone who works there is a kind of scary and it's so disorganized and everyone kept calling me Chloe. It was a miserable four hours, and my new life there has only just begun.
Is this really worth it?

TBT

There are a lot of things I regret.

...But I do not regret this day.

Not even for a minute.

Song Obsessions: September

I lost my iPod. It's the worst thing that can happen to a person.
But thanks to the internet, here are September's song obsessions... three days late. #teenybopperalert

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you,

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart,

But right here in each other's arms.

~Almost Is Never Enough by Ariana Grande & Nathan Sykes~

I never meant to start a war,

I just wanted you to let me in.

~Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus~

I didn't feel the fairytale feeling.

Am I a stupid girl

For even dreaming that I could?

~Not Like the Movies by Katy Perry~

You only know you've been high when you're feeling low.

You only miss the sun when it starts to snow.

~Let Her Go by Passenger~

A Beautiful Sunrise

(written 9/26/13)
It's probably painfully obvious to you all what a terrible month I've had. I chose not to post much about it so my blog doesn't turn into depression central like it did in 8th grade.
However, I'm back, and I do want to talk about yesterday.
Because yesterday started out with such a beautiful sunrise. It was probably the most beautiful that I've ever seen, and it was in its finest moment just as I walked out the door to go to school. That sunrise has become very symbolic for me. After weeks filled with hardship, that sunrise yesterday morning was the first moment of my changed life. I recieved two random kind texts from friends, and another brought me ice cream. (I hadn't told anyone what was going on. They did these things randomly.) Good things kept happening throughout the day: probably more good things than had happened the entire month. I hadn't felt so peaceful and spiritually uplifted in a long time. I know all of thise girls were prompted to do what they did.
Two days ago I had lost all hope. But just like they say in Les Miserables, even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.