I'd always thought of he and I as friends, but today I realized we don't actually know that much about each other. We were only friends through her. But she isn't herself. Neither of us know who she even is anymore.

2014: Through Selfies and Snapchats

2014 was difficult. I feel like this is how I start every new year post, but I guess every year just gets comparably worse. This year I attended frequent sessions with a doctor, a nutritionist, and a therapist... all seemingly to no avail. I moved, attended 3 different wards, cried, painted pictures of my old house, and pined for a stable life.
On the other hand, I vacationed to Vegas, California/Disneyland, Idaho, St. Louis/Six Flags, and Illinois. I sang in Chamber Choir, went to a formal dance, was accepted into both colleges I applied to, sang along to concerts, went on dates, bought a new phone, cuddled with my dog every night, and made memories with friends and family that will last forever. That is why I am writing this post. Because this year was arguably the hardest year of my life, but it was full of adventure.

Perspective

Last Saturday I was at the school early in the morning practicing for choir. I drove all the way there, found a spot in the parking lot, and pulled out my phone to make a snapchat lightly complaining about my situation. I opened the app and held it at the appropriate selfie angle. But when the app loaded and the camera opened, it wasn't on forward-facing, but was pointing outside my little car and into the massive expanse of the sky. What I saw was breathtaking. The clouds were voluminous, reflecting the light of the sun, and filled my screen with an almost magical beauty. How did I miss such a sight on the entire drive here? How could I be so blind? I knew the answer. I was only looking at myself. My single-mindedness was holding me back from all of the good things surrounding me. I was reminded to flip my camera more in life.
Take the time to focus on what is around you; if you only focus on yourself, you miss out on the exquisite beauty of your own environment. Open your eyes to a new perspective. You don't know yet what you will find.

More

When people day they are nothing without church, that makes me sad.
Because you are more than your religion.
More than your race.
More than your school.
More than your money.

You are a beautiful, interesting, complex, and unique person, and it's wrong to overlook all of that to fit a stereotype. Don't label yourself! I know I've said this before, but I can't stand it. I wish people could see themselves for who they are on the inside, rather than by the things they have and are involved with on the outside.

10 Things My Future Husband Needs to Know About Me

1. I'm lactose intolerant, but I really love dairy. (Don't let me have too much.)
2. I like to buy you little surprises and gifts once in a while, so let me know what your favorite things are.
3. Lost by Michael Buble is my sad song. If you hear it, give me a hug.
4. I hate being wet. So don't splash me while you help me do the dishes.
5. I like to be pampered when I'm sick.
6. I'm not great at sewing, but I know how to patch jeans if you need me to.
7. I may not be able to have children, nor am I sure if I want any.
8. However, I do want a dog.
9. I'm a picky eater, but I'll still make your favorite foods, even if I won't eat them. (More for you, right?)
10. Lastly-- I love you, even when I'm upset. I promise.

Song of the Day

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

I often think about where I went wrong.

The more I do, the less I know.

I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness,

and a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head.

But don't you remember?

Don't you remember

The reason you loved me before?

Please remember me once more.

I gave you the space so you could breathe.

I kept my distance so you would be free,

And hoped that you'd find the missing piece

To bring you back to me.

Why don't you remember?

~Don't You Remember by Adele~

Grown Ups

Responsibility is always having a place to be, and lacking the time to go to the all of the places you want to go. It's having money, but always having people you have to give it up to. It's working hour upon hour to afford rent, only so you can keep the apartment that you hardly get to live in because you're at work all the time. It's losing your childhood friends that you don't have the time and resources to keep up with anymore. It's everything pressuring you, and if you do well, you're pressured to do even better, and there's no amount of things you can accomplish to stop being pressured. Being grown up is all responsibility. I don't know why I ever wanted that.